Ruminations

So it has come to this once again–the threat of extinction. If I didn’t blog in my post in another few days, my blog would have surely emaciated to a point past redemption. I’ve made up many excuses to avoid the arduous task of blogging, such as my having cut my finger, my responsibility of finishing The Omnivore’s Dilemma in the next few days, and my need to go on a mental vacation before school starts. But alas, I saw through these petty explanations as mere excuses and took my hand to the keyboard, to begin yet another session of transcribing my life and ruminations into the digital realm.

I will begin with a series of thoughts I’ve been having lately. First, freshmen are raining like cats and dogs all over Berkeley again, just in time for the start of Fall Semester 09. Seeing the families and freshies drop off their belonging in the dorms has definitely given the summer lull an electric jolt, and already, I can feel the blood begin to pulsate once again in the Berkeley machine. It was as if a period of hibernation has passed, and the muscles are beginning to pump oxygen into a system of weakening vessels.

In the midst of this excitement, however, I can’t help but feel that cliched nostalgia again–a deep longing for ‘doing over’ my freshmen experience. I don’t want to waste any further blog space ruminating over such a past, but I at least wanted to acknowledge this feeling and recognize its perennial hold over my psyche. It sucks. Perhaps that was why I wanted to be an “RA” for so long as a pathetic attempt at addressing this feeling of lack. But again, the ship has sailed. It’s time to move on.

Another idea I wanted to digest a bit further is my deterioration in style. For some reason, I feel my words growing clunkier by the day, as if they are growing baby fat from head to toe. I admit I haven’t been reading as many novels lately, but shouldn’t that just mean that my writing stays in place? I think this deterioration has a lot to do with how I think, as I sometimes find my words coming out in awkward and unpleasant formations. Occasionally, I would feel everything click as I write; but more often than not, the task of writing well has become quite a chore in itself. I wonder if simply reading more can provide the fix I need to restore my writing style to its previous flow.

Lastly, I just wanted to talk about reading Harry Potter. I never realized how heavily the HP series was saturated with progressive politics until I read it recently. For one thing, the whole racial discourse over Wizards, Goblins, Elves, Centaurs,  Wolves, Muggles, etc has taken on an eerily realistic feel. Not only am I reminded of ‘racial purity’ in the form of Eugenics and multi-racial identities, I also hear the echos of KKK white supremacy and Nazi Aryan domination playing out in the background. But the fun doesn’t stop here. There is also a distinctly call for political resistance against the established order, much like the call to resistance that is often embodied in Marxian politics. Additionally, the corruption in the infrastructure of Magic has a strange parallel with the corporate tampering in the current system of Democracy. Ultimately, I think the Harry Potter series was especially enjoyable for me not only because I resonated with the leadership characteristics of Harry and Dumbledore, but also for the progressive narrative that grounded the magical tale in the struggles and challenges of the present.

All the Difference

Recently, I discovered that pretty much every social critique I have been exposed to at Berkeley belongs on a continum of theories located in the overarching “discipline” known as “critical theory”. This has been a most exciting discovery, as now I can finally, FINALLY get a gestalt picture of how all of these different thinkers fit together on bigger scale. The reason why this has been an excruciating and frustrating ordeal is because critical theory is a conglomeration of most–if not all–of the social science and humanities type disciplines, including Economics, Political Science, Linguistics, Anthropology, Ethnic Studies, Literature, Sociology, Psychology, etc. Most notably, the fields of Philosophy and Rhetoric seem to form the most central foundation of critical theory, and the rivalry between the two disciplines supplies most of the richness that arises out of this study.

As much as I am excited by this newfound discovery, however, I am also quite aware of the potential pitfalls of jumping headfirst into the misty realm of abstract theory. First off, because critical theory is so interdisplinary, trying to learn it all comes at the risk of learning everything in the most shallow sense. It also means I won’t have time to dig deep in the various theoretical discussions unless I devote myself to such a practice for the rest of my life. Secondly, being able to call out a theoretical gesture and the counter-arguments is not a skill that is handy for finding a job–no employer is going to be impressed by my recognizing a certain theory as being particularly “Foucaldian”. This means that I will be accumulating impratical knowledge that won’t be used except in nerdy conversations about the state of the world. And thirdly, always being critical about the things I “consume” may be good on a personal sense (for my own clarity’s sake), but it will probably alienate me from the general public and the dominant tides of our consumer culture.

Basically, this means I will have to be prepared to some sacrifices. After all, the law of the “Opportunity Cost” says that doing one thing means you must give up something else. Spending a lot of time understanding the trajectory of various thinkers and building this theoretical scaffold will surely take much time. At the same time, I cannot be guaranteed that I will learn anything to satisfactory depth. To add insult to injury, the material I learn cannot be applied in any pragmatic way to provide for my financial security. Essentially, it has all the negative stereotypes of being a philosophy major without the institutionalized reputation of philosophy.

And so, with the ambivalence and uncertainty that Frost expressed at the proverbial crossroads in the woods, I will announce a similar, if cliched, sentiment as I embark on this path down critical theory:

“Two roads diverged in a wood–

and I, I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”