Writing the Introduction

This one is going to be a straight on rant.

Today I spent a good deal of time looking through some of the past things I have done in high school, and the pictures evoked in me a great sense of joy and regret: joy in what has happened, and regret in what has not been happening since. Although there were many (many, many) cringe inducing experience thoughout my particular Junior year in High School, it was one that was fun filled, genuine, and priceless. Sure, the things I wrote and the things I did were less sophisticated, but at least I had a blast doing it. After I decided to pursue academics more vigorously, I found myself turning blue, and slowly becoming less and less vigorous, like growing old off a potion or something. There is nothing wrong with being more intellectual, but for some reason, doing so has made me more timid, more uncertain, less deliberate, less spontaneous, less colorful, less human. There is more calculation involved in the things I do, more planning and weighing out the pros and cons, but much less viscerally satisfying experiences than before. Of course, I understand that this phenomenon isn’t caused by intellectualism, for I know many intelligent people who are very happy being who they are and perfectly capable of having fun and being loose. It’s a personal psychological thing, and my venting it out probably won’t make a darn bit of difference. So I guess to hype up my sense of being and passion in what I do, I will need to take more risks and smile more. Learn to joke around. Do something. Have some fun. Be human again.

Comparing with others have shown me how “off” I am from the life I was looking for, and although comparing will make me miserable, I’m hoping that in feeling a bit of misery, I can learn to change my state. For some reason, I have a strange feeling that I will be replicating my high school in college: have 2 semi-lame years, and then one totally brilliant year, and end with a good year. I don’t know. That is still unwritten. I could still write my book, and include all the awesome details I want to have. I guess this blog entry could be that book’s introduction. Now I just have to keep writing, and see where that takes me.